The Words from A Father That Rescued Us during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who often absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a short trip abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."